


Noisy Silence

by ForeverAlone5



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: 5+1 Things, Anxiety, Aromantic, Asexual Character, Asexual Relationship, Autism, Autistic Character, Friendship, Homophobia, I dunno anymore, Multi, Romance, Self-Doubt, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Hatred, Stimming, but not that explored, cursing, is this how relationships work?, near meltdowns
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-19
Updated: 2019-12-19
Packaged: 2021-02-26 04:21:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,355
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21857509
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ForeverAlone5/pseuds/ForeverAlone5
Summary: “Wanna listen to a podcast?”“Sure.”Logan was so glad he was partners with Virgil.-----or 5 times Logan and Virgil just wanted peace and 1 time they got it.
Relationships: Anxiety | Virgil Sanders & Everyone, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders & Logic | Logan Sanders, Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders/Morality | Patton Sanders, Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders/Deceit Sanders, Logic | Logan Sanders & Everyone
Comments: 6
Kudos: 112
Collections: Sanders Sides Secret Santa 2019





	Noisy Silence

**Author's Note:**

  * For [childoflightning](https://archiveofourown.org/users/childoflightning/gifts).



“Yo, what’s the hip-happening, my dude?”

“What the fuck just came out of your mouth?”

“I don’t know, dude, words just… happened.”

Virgil shrugged at the incredulous look from Logan, settling down next to him. Putting on his headphones, Virgil hooked his legs over Logan’s lap, cozying up to the other.

Logan gently laid a hand on Virgil’s ankle, grimacing a little. Virgil looked up in understanding. “Bad day?”

The spectacled man nodded, wincing a little at the prolonged contact. The purple haired man nodded, swinging his legs off and lightly hitting the couch.

“Talking okay?”

‘For you, yes,’ Logan signed.

“You got it, dude,” Virgil shot him some finger guns and an awkward smile.

“Have I told you what my art history professor said, that fucking asshole?” He went on to regale Logan about the event that happened in his course, vehemently cursing all the way through.

“ _Hello_ ~!” A voice sang through the room, and the door slammed open. Logan winced, fingers tapping on his hard cover book and grinding his teeth.

“How are you two nerds doing today?” Roman twirled into the room, dressed in his ridiculous Disney Cast Member outfit.

Virgil shot up to his feet, jostling Logan on the other end of the couch. “Not _now_ , Princey. Code Blue.”

“Ohhhhhhh!” Roman said, backing up. “Sorry Lo!”

Logan grimaced, ducking his head but nodded all the same. Virgil rolled his eyes, punching Roman’s arm.

“Ow!” he cried, rubbing the sore spot.

“Come _on_ , Crown for Brains,” Virgil pushed him out of the door. “You can catch up on our day later.”

Roman protested the method of leaving, but went without another word, waving his goodbyes. Virgil sighed tiredly, hands on his hips, “Sorry L. You good?”

‘I’m alright,’ Logan waved away his concern. ‘Let us move past that.’

“Yeah, anyway so-”

The door burst open, knocking into Virgil and making him stumble on his feet and fall on the floor. He shot a glare at the unwelcome intruder, it melted away at the guest.

“Hi there, kiddos!” Patton bobbed his head up and down. A tray was held in his hands, a steaming amount of cookies atop of it. The smell wafted into the room, the strong smell of cinnamon and sugar making Logan’s nose wrinkle.

“Hey, Pat,” Virgil said tiredly, picking himself off the ground. 

“Oh no!” Patton frowned, “Did I knock you on the ground? I am so sorry!”

Virgil must have replied, but Logan couldn’t care to pay attention, everything starting to get louder and louder. Logan gritted his teeth, the noises starting to overwhelm him. His finger tapping sped up, the agitation growing within him.

“Hey, Pat,” Virgil said, voice high pitched and worried. “Thanks for the sugar cookies, but now is not the time.”

“What? What do you-?” Patton’s voice abruptly broke off, and Logan’s fingers were starting to sting.

Hushed noises were exchanged, but Logan didn’t pay attention to that, instead focusing on the rabbit thundering in his heart. He screwed his eyes shut, the harsh lights burning his corneas.

Logan can hear voices, but he couldn’t respond. His tongue was heavy, stuck in his mouth, the roof of it jamming. 

The voices stop, and Logan felt his book being pried out of his hands. He tightened it in response, unable to let go of his safety book. He needed it, he needed that security. 

Everything stopped.

He took a deep breath, trying to get the shutdown under control. He didn’t need this. He shouldn’t be having this. Not right now. 

It took ages; longer than he would’ve liked, but he got out of it. The lights were turned off, and Virgil was sleeping awkwardly on the ground, legs sprawled in what should be an uncomfortable position.

“Vir-” his voice broke off, scratchy and unused. He coughed, an ugly hacking noise that burned his throat.

A cup was shoved into his hands, the feeling tingly and warm. He didn’t question it, his trust in Virgil unwavering.

The drink was warm, warm and sweet, exactly what he needed. Before he knew it, he had drained it all. 

He blinked, seeing Virgil’s warm smirk. “Feeling better, L?”

Logan nodded, putting the cup away on the side. He coughed slightly, clearing his throat. “Satisfactory, Virgil. Thank you.”

“No problem, nerd.” The other ducked his head, a small, shy smile on his lips. “You’d do the same for me, we’re partners.”

Logan didn’t respond, only giving a small, genuine smile. He patted the space next to him, feeling the need for company bubble within him. Touching was still out of the question, and Virgil seemed to understand, perching on the arm of the couch instead.

“Wanna listen to a podcast?"

“Sure.”

Logan was so glad he was partners with Virgil.

* * *

Virgil scowled, throwing the paint brushes onto the ground. Something was wrong, the painting was wrong, everything was wrong. Nothing was going his way today. His painting, his classes, his fucking _life_.

“Agh!” he threw the easel onto its side, smearing the paints onto the carpeted floor. He grimaced, that was something he had to deal with later.

His skin was crawling, noises starting to echo. Curling up on the floor seemed like a great idea. So that was exactly what he did.

Hood thrown over his head, eyes screwed shut, he rocked back and forth and tried not to cry.

The voices were so _loud_.

Degradation. Self-deprecation. Devastation.

_You’re a horrible artist. All of your work is shit. You can’t even draw a fucking apple, let alone what you want to make for Logan._

“Shut up!” he snapped at himself.

_What? Think you can get rid of me by shouting? I’m you, idiot. You can’t get rid of your thoughts like that. You’re such an idiot, you failure. Speaking of failure, you’re going to fail your art classes. Who even takes art classes? Can’t figure out how to draw yourself?_

_Let’s talk about your many failures. Like how you suck at your relationship with Logan. What is an asexual relationship anyway? That doesn’t exist….._

He didn’t know how long he was there, listening to that ugly voice in his head and curled up on the floor with paint sticking onto him. 

_Remember that one time, ten years ago when you--_

“Shut the fuck up,” Virgil hissed.

“Now that is no way to speak to me, Virgil.”

The painter startled, eyes blurring on the black figure kneeling in front of him. Glasses stared down at him, a look of understanding and sympathy on his face. 

“Lo?”

_Now you’re bringing Logan into this? He has better things to do than take care of a whiny brat._

Virgil winced, silently agreeing with the voice.

“What happened, Virgil? What’s this?” He gestured to the splattered paint on the ground, the tilted easel, and his curled up figure. 

“Bad day,” Virgil muttered.

 _Is that what you’re calling me now? The voice sounded amused. Because I can get worse than just a ‘_ bad day’ _._

“What would you like me to do to make it better?” Logan asked, tilted his head and eager to help.

 _Don’t you dare bring him into your mess._ The voice warned, somehow getting louder in his head. _He has enough to do without taking care of your problems. Do_ not _bother him._

Virgil hesitated, agreeing with the voice. “Nothing. Don’t worry about it, Logan.”

“Now I’m even more concerned.” Logan frowned, taking in his appearance. “You rarely call me by my first name. Are you sure there is not something I can do to alleviate your anxiety?”

“Who said it’s my anxiety?”

“Virgil.” 

The other sighed, curling up tighter, hiding away his face from Logan. He didn’t want to see the disappointment on Logan’s face from his inability to take care of himself. Why couldn’t he be _normal_?

_Because you’re a natural born fuck up, that’s why._

“It’s nothing, Logan, seriously. I’m fine.” Virgil scooted away, back toward him.

“Alright,” Logan said slowly. 

Virgil heard some shuffling and footsteps leading away from him before the door closed.

_See? Even Logan knows that you’re not worth his time._

“Shut _up_! I know I’m worthless, you don’t need to shove it in my face!” The tears were coming, and he could do nothing to stop it. The sting of them were pushing at him, trying to fall down his face. He clenched his jaw. This wasn’t the time to cry.

He rearranged himself, hugging his knees to chest. He burrowed his head in his arms, rubbing at his eyes at the tears that escaped.

“Virgil, are you alright?” 

Eyes red from trying not to cry, the blurry vision of Logan carrying two mugs surprised him. “Logan?” He croaked out, “You came back?”

“Of course I did,” Logan said softly. He set aside the two mugs, kneeling in front of Virgil. His hands hovered over Virgil’s knees, an unsure look on his face. Virgil gave a tiny, almost imperceptible nod, and Logan gathered him into a hug.

It was stiff, almost unnatural, but Virgil melted into it, knowing that Logan rarely gave hugs. 

He cried. Virgil cried and cried and cried. Letting all the emotions he was feeling out.

Logan, to his credit, didn’t say anything, just stayed as a silent anchor as the voices in his head tried to disregard the scene happening right now.

After awhile, Logan unwrapped himself from Virgil’s arms. “Let’s move away from the floor," he suggested, gently guiding Virgil toward the armchair.

Virgil followed willingly, not comprehending the move at all. When a warm mug was shoved into his hands, he startled, looking down in it in confusion.

"I have noticed that your sugars are rather low after a panic attack and it is necessary to replenish those without risking low blood sugar."

Virgil took a tiny sip, the warmth from the tea making him feel sleepier. "Thanks, Lo."

Logan breathed a sigh of relief, "Thank Tesla, I am elated that you are feeling better again. If I am not too inquisitive, might I inquire about the cause of the panic attack?"

Virgil shrugged, finger tracing the rim of the mug. 

Logan frowned, "I understand. You do not have to tell me if you do not wish to. For a change of subject, may I tell you what occurred over lunch at work?"

Virgil managed a tiny nod, needing to push away the hissing voice in his head right now

"Now this happened over a series of minutes, and…."

Fortunately, the ugly voice was quiet, as if enraptured by Logan's storytelling as much as Virgil was.

He watched as Logan monotonously retold the story, feeling a glad smile twitch at his lips. 

He was so glad that Logan was his partner.

* * *

Logan was just trying to enjoy some Crofters and biscuits. 

"No, just hear me out, Lo," Virgil tapped the whiteboard insistently. "Mothman is real, and I have the proof."

"Virgil, I appreciate your presence in my life," Logan started, waving a threatening butter knife around. "But I am just trying to enjoy my _jam_ , and I do _not_ need outside interference."

"But if you would just--"

"Yes, absolutely hear him out!" Remus popped out of somewhere, completely naked, causing Virgil to throw the marker he was holding blindly in that direction.

It didn't even faze Logan who immediately went back to slathering as much jam as humanly possible on his biscuits.

"What the fuck, Remus! Where the hell did you even come from?"

"My mother's womb, of course!" He grinned maniacally, hearing the enraged tone in Virgil's voice.

"You know what I fucking mean. What are you doing here? I thought you were dumpster diving."

Logan rolled his eyes. The eclectic nature of Roman's twin grinding on his nerves, he abruptly stood up, gathering his things.

Everything was getting much too loud again, and he needed his time with Crofters if he was going to get through the day.

His stomach twisted, going off schedule making him feel squeamish. He pushed it aside, quietly leaving.

Remus pushed him, and Logan should've seen that coming.

"Come on, glasses. Tell your partner that I'm right and that Bigfoot would _absolutely_ fuck Mothman."

"Mothman has more class than that!" Virgil screeched, and Logan's headache was starting to grow. 

Logan pinched the bridge of his nose, pushing his glasses up. Remus had gone back to standing directly in front of Virgil again, arguing even more vehemently.

He took that as his escape.

Can it ever be quiet in the morning, Logan wondered.

Something exploded in the distance, and Logan winced as Virgil shouted that he was alright.

Logan shook his head, stuffing a mouthful of jam in his mouth and went back to his schedule.

* * *

"REMUS!" Dee's voice shook the house, and Logan gave Virgil a concerned look.

The other only rolled his eyes, putting his headphones on more firmly and no doubt turning up the volume.

An enraged stomping thundered down the hall, the door flying open.

"Where the fuck is that piece of shit?" Dee seethed, practically foaming at the mouth.

Virgil looked up to glare at him, only to break out into raucous laughter. The angered man was green from head to toe, only his clothes covering what little dignity he had left.

"Holy shit, what the fuck happened?"

"Remus happened, that's what," Dee spat out, "Now where is he?"

"Haven't seen him," Virgil shrugged, and Logan shook his head when Dee turned to him. 

Dee huffed, slamming the door shut. Logan sighed, he just wanted to read his book.

"You can come out from under there now, Remus." Logan drummed his fingers on the arm of the couch.

Something thumped as feet landed on the floor. 

"Were you on top of the fucking bookcase?" Logan asked in exasperation.

"Did you see his _face_?!" Remus shrieked with a cackle, naked again before streaking out the room with another slam of the door. "Thanks again, fellas!"

"Do you think Dee will--"

"REMUS!"

Logan shook his head. "I do not understand why he even bothers."

"I regret saying yes to Roman about letting his brother stay here."

"As do I, Virgil, as do I."

There was a moment of silence as Virgil and Logan heard a thump and a small 'Owie' from Remus and Dee scolding him.

"Podcast?"

"Definitely."

Something exploded in the distance, Logan and Virgil pretended not to notice.

* * *

"This is why we do not leave holiday shopping until the last minute, Patton." Logan said, slightly annoyed at being outside so early in the morning. 

"I know, I know. But I really want to get something _good_ for Roman this year. I can't just keep baking or cooking something from him."

"Are you certain? I'm sure he'd still be delighted as he has been for the past three years."

"Yeah, but this time I wanna get him something he can't just eat."

"Very well," Logan sighed. "What do you think of getting him?"

"Something brilliant and fantastic and noble. Like him!" Patton beamed.

"Cringe," Virgil said with a yawn, "Why did you invite me to this, Lo? I don't wanna brainstorm about gifts."

"I didn't," Logan reminded him with a shake of his head. "I said I was going out with Patton and you climbed into the car without our noticing until we were already at the mall."

"Oh yeah," Virgil shrugged, lacing his hand with Logan's. 

"Is it really that cringey?" Patton asked. "I just-- really love Roman, and I wanna get him something that reflects that."

Virgil softened, "That's okay, Pat. I'm sorry I said that. I was just tired. It's a little cringey but I think it's cool of you to do this for your boyfriend."

Patton beamed, "Thanks kiddo! But I still don't know what to get him."

"Roman enjoys romantic things, yes? Why not make him something romantic?"

"Yeah," Virgil nodded. "That cheeseball enjoys those things. He'd get a kick out of something like that. Make a scrapbook or something."

Patton's face lit up, gasping in excitement. "That's a great idea!"

He rushed away to the crafts section, leaving the other two to their own business.

Logan blinked at the empty space where Patton, "Well, that takes care of Patton. Did you need anything, Virgil?"

"Nah," Virgil leaned into Logan. "I'm good."

There was a scoff, and Logan tensed, thoughts starting to explode.

He didn't need to turn to feel the glare and disgust of someone, the eyes boring into him. 

"What are you looking at, lady?" Virgil bit out. 

Brilliant, Virgil chose fight with his fight or flight responses.

"It is disgusting to see such horrible acts out in the open," a nasally voice said.

"What? Holding hands?" Virgil's voice was laced with so much sarcasm that the lady could drown in it.

"The indecency of you two, have you no shame?" She managed to somehow sound patronizing and arrogant at the same time, and Logan could not stand it.

"Ma'am, there is, quite literally, a heterosexual couple sticking their tongues down each other's throats a few feet away." Logan calmly said even when his thoughts were in turmoil.

"Furthermore, my partner and I have no business with you when we were just holding hands which is not illegal in any sort of circumstances. Instead of blindly judging on an opinion that is factually wrong, do yourself a favor and reexamine your life and see if you've actually done anything worthwhile. Because from my perspective, you've done nothing but bring calamity upon your life; what with your cheating of your husband and multiple surgeries upon your face."

The woman sputtered in outrage, unable to come up with any sort of response before finally huffing and stomping away like a child.

"Damn, Lo," Virgil whistled, that was brutal. How'd you know she cheated on her husband?"

"Her ring finger had an outline of a ring, suggesting either divorce or widowed. Considering she was wearing makeup and jewelry worth absolutely nothing and she was just standing around as if she was looking for prey, it was a safe bet."

"That was pretty cool of you, defending our honour and all that."

"Yes," Logan rubbed the side of his temple with one hand. "Is it alright if we leave? I fear a migraine is coming for me."

"No worries, I already texted Pat." Virgil chastely kissed Logan's cheek before lightly tugging on his hand, leading him away.

* * *

"Lo, are you there?" Virgil stumbled through the house, fumbling around for a light switch.

"I am in the commons, Virgil."

"It's just a living room," he muttered under his breath. Stubbing his toe one too many times, Virgil made it to the living room.

"What is going on? Where is everyone? Why is it so freaking dark in here?"

He saw Logan standing in front of a structurally well made pillow fort, nervously tapping his fingers on his thigh. Bowls of popcorn gathered around and fairy lights strung up to make a soft glow.

The TV was queued up with _The Black Cauldron_ , and Virgil gave Logan a small, weird smile.

"What's all this, Lo?"

"We've had a tumultuous month, so I bartered with everyone to have a night off so that the two of us can have a peaceful night. Is this alright?"

Virgil shook his head and gave Logan a broad smile. "This is great, Logan. Exactly what I wanted. You're brilliant."

Logan gave a small smile, "I wanted to spend some time with you without anyone interrupting us like always."

Virgil slid off his shoes, wrapping a blanket around himself. He motioned for Logan to do the same, stopping him for a moment. "Uh uh, no neck ties in the pillow fort."

Logan arched a brow, "I made this fort. Shouldn't I make the rules?"

"Nope!" Virgil popped the 'p', smiling broadly at Logan. 

The other gave a long suffering sigh, "Very well. The things I do for you."

"Love you too, Lo."

Logan's eyes softened, smiling gently before getting inside the fort. 

Quietly, the movie started and the two leaned against each other, able to finally bask in the moment with each other.

**Author's Note:**

> hey so this was for Sanders Sides Secret Santa 2019, and I had a blast writing this! Thank you so much for the prompt, thechildoflightning. I have not written autistic characters before, nor am I autistic. So if there is something wrong with what I have written please tell me! Thanks for reading!


End file.
